The Power of Decision

Over my forty-five years on this great big planet, I have avoided making more decisions than I have consciously made.

But what's the real difference between making a decision and not. I mean they both end up with a result, one we chose and one we didn't.

Actually, not making a decision is the same as making a decision. Think about it. When you decide something you are making a choice from a set of options. One of those options is to not choose any of the choices and by not selecting the other options you are automatically choosing it.

I know it's kind of confusing. Trust me it happens every time you make a decision. You see, life always moves forward. When you choose not to make a decision, life doesn't suddenly stand still until you do. It keeps on moving forward.

Here's an example; Let's say you are trying to decided whether or not to run in a marathon that is 3 months away. You can make 3 different choices.

1. You can choose to run the marathon.
2. You can choose not to run the marathon
3. You can choose not to decide, in essence, deciding not to run the marathon.

Your third choice, while you may not actually say; "I choose not to decide.", is really a choice not to run the marathon. Why? Because three months from now, whether you are involved or not the marathon is going to happen.

So what difference does it make?

A whole lot! By not making a decision you are not releasing yourself to move on. If you chose to run, then you would begin to move in that direction. If you chose not to run, you would be freeing yourself to move on to other ventures. When you choose not to decide, there is always that question in the back of your mind and it becomes a distraction. When you haven't made a decision to do or not do something, have in essence made a decision to let that thought stay there and fester as a distraction in your mind.

Try making other decisions with unresolved issues on your mind. Pretty soon you're spending more time playing air traffic controller for all of the unresolved issues rattling around up there and less time living.

The worst part is not far behind. There comes a time, when you find it difficult to make even the most simple of decisions. You lose confidence in your ability to do anything. And it steamrolls from there.

All the while, as you're not making decisions, the results you "chose not to choose", keep happening. Ever catch yourself saying; "Why does this always happen to me?" "I didn't choose this!" Life doesn't come to a stand still while you try to avoid making a decision. Quite the contrary, if you are not actively involved in directing your life you will get whatever the world dishes out and... you will have no one to blame but your self!

Don't we get it? We have the power to change everything in our lives. Everything that happens is set in motion by our decisions or lack of them. The only real question is will we decide or will we accept what comes our way?

Maybe, just maybe, you're afraid of making the wrong decision. I can understand that. We all have our doubts sometimes if we're totally honest. You're not going to get it right all of the time. What I can tell you is that any time I have made an active decision in my life, in some way I have always been better off for it. Even if the result I wanted wasn't what I got, it was still my result. And when I look at it, every time a decision I make doesn't work out the way I had hoped, I learn something from the result I did get.

My latest thing is what I refer to as either; "Actively Engaged" or "Actively Disengaged". What exactly does this mean?

You remember in "From There to Here" how I said I had wanted to run a marathon for a long time? Why did it take me so long to get to that outcome? And, why when I did do it was I so unprepared for it?

A conversation I had with a friend not that long ago revealed the answer to me. It was just one of those, "Ahah!" moments. Right in the middle of our conversation I made the observation that I had been living my life for the last several years actively disengaged.

I had a good job, one with a lot of responsibility, but I had been doing the same thing for so long that it didn't really require a whole lot of effort on my part to be good at it. I was pretty good at what I did, if I do say so myself. Running a business is one of those things that just comes naturally for me. But it had become second nature.

Have you ever watched a really top-notch athlete in action? Obviously, they have a lot of talent. This particular game you watch, they seem to be going through the motions. Sure they make a lot of great plays, but it seems as if they had more to give and they were holding back. Have you ever seen that?

People at the top of their game in any venue in life, don't really have off days where their talent just isn't working. It's usually the effort that isn't there. Michael Jordan in his hay day didn't wake up and lose his natural ability. No, if he had a bad game it was his head or effort wasn't in it. Tiger Woods doesn't lose a golf tournament because he lost his talent and skills. He loses because his mental focus isn't in it.

Many of us watched the 2008 Summer Olympics and saw Michael Phelps win a record 8 gold medals in swimming. He is obviously an incredible athlete. He possesses a whole lot of natural ability and combined with hard work for many years he turned his body into the ultimate swimming machine. If he loses a race, it's not likely that he suddenly lost all of his ability. No, it's much more likely that on that particular day his mind wasn't into it.

That happens to all of us sometime. I use sports as an example just because of its popularity to the greatest number of people, but it happens in all walks of life. Generally when we see it happen though, it's for a short period of time. One day, one game, one meeting, one speech, one whatever.

In my case it ran on for several years. I was in the automotive industry for over twenty years. I knew dealerships as well or better than anyone I've ever known. I know them upside down, inside out, frontwards, backwards... I understand the business. I may not have quite as much talent as some people in the business, but I understand it extremely well.

I became active disengaged. In other words, I was there everyday doing my job well and yet it wasn't by far my best effort. The problem is, once you disengage in one area, it becomes easy to do it in other areas as well. Imagine a day where everything in your life becomes just something you do as if you are going through the motions. Now multiply that times 365 days a year for 5 to 10 years.

Ever look back on 5 or 10 years in the past and realize you're still in the same place doing the same things in spite of all of the big goals and dreams you had?

I was going through life, taking it as it comes, letting whatever happened take its course. I had stopped making decisions almost all together. Sure I made decisions at work, but that was again more of my knowledge and ability than my conscious effort.

Needless to say, when it came to running a marathon, things were not much different than the rest of my life. Sure, I did make the decision to sign up, but that was more a result of being caught up in the emotions of the moment than a real commitment. Let's be realistic for a minute. Does running ten times during a seven month period sound like I was actively preparing for a marathon?

I can't vouch for you, but the answer in my book is a resounding, NO!

Being actively disengaged goes like this:

On the surface it seems like every thing's cool. You probably even have lots of goals and such.

You wake up on a typical morning because you have to go to work or get a job or live.

You sleep until the last possible minute, because work is something you "Have" to do not look forward to.

You go through the day at work, somewhat scattered and not really into it, but you get the job done.

As the work day ends you are faced with choices. Go to the gym, go home for a run, go spend quality time with your kids. All of them would be personally rewarding.

Just before you head home one of your coworkers suggests a trip to the local pub for a couple of pints to unwind.

That sounds like a great idea because you need to unwind and put the day behind you.

You end up getting home way too late, no gym, no run, and the kids and your spouse are already in bed.

Or maybe you blow off the coworkers and head home.

Once you're there, you of course have to sit down and watch a little of the idiot box before you get on with your night.

Four hours later, it's time for bed and guess what? No gym, no run, no quality time with the kids.

Wash - Rinse - Repeat!

This can go on for a long, long time. Sadly, although I am admitting to doing this, there are millions of us who do this every single day and don't even realize it. Sometimes we call it going with the flow, but unfortunately that's just a poor excuse.

My friend on the other hand is "Actively Engaged" in his life.

He's very busy. He makes decisions all day long, because he knows and understands their impact on his quality of life. Yes, that means he makes decisions to go to the gym, to do the extra work, to go coach his kids soccer team, to not go have a beer when he might really enjoy just unplugging, because that's not going to improve his relationship with his family one bit. And yes, it does take more effort to be actively engaged all of the time but...

Let me ask you this; After a marathon is complete, they post finishing times, 'results' on their website. Do you think they ever list the guy who signed up but didn't run because he spent all of his time drinking beer instead of training? Or the woman who didn't run because she had to see all of the episodes of her favorite reality show and couldn't train properly?

Survey Say: NO!

When you're older are you really going to be proud to tell your grandchildren how you watched every episode of some TV show they have never heard of or would you rather pull out your finishers medal from the marathon you ran and tell them about a real life experience?

Being actively engaged in life is not easy. Making decisions is not easy. Both get easier with practice. If you're really unsure of yourself, get someone to help you. Find someone you look up to and ask them to mentor you. Hire a personal coach. Hire a personal trainer. Sometimes the only thing you need to get you moving in the right direction and making decisions is just a little boost from someone else. Knowing that there is someone else there to help you hold yourself accountable can be a very powerful thing.

You don't have to start with the biggest life decisions, in fact, I recommend you start small. Maybe just make a decision to go straight home from work today and go for a short walk. If you have family, take them with you. You'll be amazed at what one small decision can do for you. Or make it even smaller. Choose something healthy for lunch. If the only thing you can afford to eat is the fast food value menu order the side salad and don't drench it in dressing.

You can do this, I know you can! Make a conscious effort to make one new decision every day. That's just one, but if it's one that you've actually put some thought into it's a huge step forward. Try this for the next week. Every night before you go to bed take two or three minutes and write down in your diary, what decisions you made that day and how you felt. At the end of the week go back and look at what you've done. Record your successes based on your decisions and your failures. Remember, failure is just discovering another way not to do something in the future. Be proud of yourself for your decisions and reward yourself in some small way. Maybe after a month of making just one decision a day you'll buy your self that new pair of running shoes or that latest book you've been wanting to read.

Whatever you do to recognize the new you make it positive. Going out on the town for an all night binge is not the kind of reinforcement that leads to positive results in life. In fact, when you reward your self by celebrating with alcohol, you're basically saying, "I have suffered through all of this other stuff I have to do, now I can reward myself with this destructive habit." I'm not here to preach against the consumption of alcohol, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be your ultimate prize.

Do something really cool for yourself. Something that reinforces the positive life you are moving towards. For some reason, we seem to think that a celebration has to involve either lots of alcohol or lots of food. Where we got that from I'm not one hundred percent clear, maybe it's from our post Great Depression days in this country where we had nothing and showing a bounty during a celebration meant bounty. Whatever the reason, I think it's time we change the way we celebrate. If you've got something to be proud of share it with a few friends over a nice modest dinner where the most important thing is the great conversation, not how much you can consume. but this is really a different conversation for another time.

Be actively engaged, make decisions you can be proud of!

Now it's time to look at the Power of Focus!